A Conscious Confession

The genius minds behind the Aquarius Media Network have set this month’s theme to consciousness. For this I am truly grateful. Instead of attempting to dazzle you with sparkling, profound words conveying the meaning of consciousness…I’ve decided to confess. I’ve decided to confess just how important this thing called consciousness has become in my life over the past couple years. We are welcoming 2016, right? Why not do so honestly, openly, and pure? So here it goes...

I used to drink a lot. In fact, I drank more than most, a notion I prided at one point. Beer (draft or bottled), craft cocktails, well liquor, wine (white, red, or blush), Jell-o shots, malt liquor…I drank it all. I rarely turned down anything that ended in booze. I’ve sang drunken karaoke from the wild streets of Las Vegas to a packed bar in Frankfurt. I’ve drunkenly ‘bargained’ myself up 20 baht (Thai currency) more than a street vendor was admittedly willing to accept for a trinket in Bangkok. I’ve drank one Corona after another while floating atop the shimmering beauty of Lake Tahoe. I’ve shared bottle after bottle of wine in a French hotel purchased directly from the vineyard that day. I’ve partied with celebrities at an after hour pad in the swanky meat packing district of Manhattan.

But it wasn’t always glitz and glam. I’ve had more hangovers than I care to remember…full days wasted in pain and darkness, mindlessly flipping from reality show to reality show. Countless nights have come and gone leaving only the hope of a memory in their wake. I was literally living this life floating in and out of consciousness. I made attempts to progress along my spiritual path but was always taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. My most significant relationship failed and I could never manage to find genuine spark in anyone else. I had focused my life on doing well enough in my professional career to have fun. But the truth is, my fun was fleeting. It was that crafty kind of fun that never seems to last…slippery, always managing to get away coyly leaving me to the chase.

Then something happened. Something for the sake of this article I’ll call my miraculous moment of clarity. You ever have one of those moments or perhaps meet someone and your life is completely turned upside down? One of those moments that divide time and subsequently your life’s story? When your story becomes a telling of things that happened before it and then everything else that followed? Yeah, I had one of those.

It was after embracing this moment as a miracle that I was free. Free in the knowing I was looking at the world right-side up again. What I’ll share about this vivid, personal experience is that I could not have had it without allowing consciousness. It was in this allowing that I was able to fully embrace the moment and feel the connectedness of it all. I felt the beautiful unity of everything and everyone…and the Love that seemed to be the glue. Maybe you’re asking yourself why I phrased it as allowing consciousness…well, because I’ve come to realize that consciousness is constant and unwavering. Even during those hungover couch days consciousness was there inside me…I was just doing a lousy job at allowing it.

Since my moment of clarity, I’ve embraced the allowing and in doing so I’ve experienced the true beauty of living consciously: Coming to know the spirit within my skin. I don’t drink anymore. I’ve lost more than 50lbs. I am in a devoted, loving relationship with a gorgeous and talented muse. I enjoy genuine connection with friends, family, and strangers alike. I experience genuine joy every day. I’m taking active part in my spiritual journey, a happy member of the Spiritual Living Center of Atlanta. I strive to live in the present and aware. I relish in the Divine connection of it all. I actively harness that Divine Energy that flows through everything to power my intentions. I have developed an immense appreciation for the miracle of nature. I make conscious choices each and every day that shape my reality. I express gratitude morning, noon, and night. I have been graced with the knowing of this life’s purpose: To enable joy to bubble within another. I am actively pursuing this purpose through writing with 2 publications while working on my own endeavors. I’m exceling in my ‘day job’. I’ve experienced a couple more miraculous moments of clarity (I find myself thirsting for these). I’m having SUSTAINED fun…and it’s incredible.

As I sit here in Starbucks confessing my journey…jotting these words down in my journal taking moments to smile at new faces coming in…I find myself reflecting on the tremendous changes that have happened in my life since my conscious shift. When I ask myself ‘how’…the answer always come down to belief. Belief in the significance of that experience. Belief in the significance of allowing consciousness every single day. Belief in my continued authentic success through remaining fully conscious and living on purpose.

Your success can not be defined by anyone but you. You know that thing inside that pulls you towards your curiosities? That thing that’s urging you towards your truth…your honest contribution? Your success rests there. All of the greatness, wealth, and achievement you’re meant for…all of it…rests there. Dare to challenge the boring status quo of what success means. Dare to allow consciousness to fuel that urging inside and chauffeur you to your success.